my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy.
everyone thinks is cool to hate on themselves all the time and it’s sad because no one will ever know every cool thing you’re good at besides you! you’re your best hypeman and best ally and the one person you’re guaranteed you’ll have in your life forever and they deserve better than that. if you wouldn’t say it about a friend, don’t say it about you!
There’s a reason lots of good parents say to babies stuff like
“You’re excited to go to the park!”
“Oh, it makes you mad that we can’t go outside.”
And then when the babies get a little bit older the parents can say
“You seem upset. Are you sad?”
“Are you excited that gramma is coming over today?”
Which lets the kid (who is learning to utilize speech) respond with yes or no, which may prompt more questions, like
“So you aren’t sad, are you angry?”
“Yes, does it make you happy when gramma is here?”
And then, finally, when the child is learning to use language in a more complex way, the parents can say,
“How does it make you feel?”
“Why are you feeling like that?”
And it’s all about teaching emotional awareness. I really reccomend using the process on yourself. Learn to ask, “am I happy?” “Am I sad?” “Am I anxious?”
Then practice identifying, out loud or on paper if you can, “I’m happy.” “I’m upset.” “I’m sad.” “I’m anxious.”
Final step: “Why am I feeling anxious? I’m still thinking about that awkward conversation earlier.” “Why am I happy? It’s such a beautiful day outside.” “Why am I sad? None of my friends are responding to my messages.”
It really helps you notice patterns (“I’m more likely to be happy when I’m around this person.” “When I haven’t eaten, I often feel angry.” “If I don’t plan ahead, I get anxious.”) which is the first step in avoiding things and people that are bad for you and encouraging things and people that are good.
Basically don’t forget that you’re just a baby who got more complicated.
I cannot stress this enough- Build a routine. Build Habits. Wake up every day and get used to being productive, one day at a time. Do this for long enough and eventually you’ll be at your goal without even realising it.
you may not be able to control the plot of your life, or the characters in it, or even the genre, but you can control one thing: the soundtrack. grab some headphones and make it a banger.
honestly do whatever weird inadvisable shit you have to to make life bearable
Dysfunctional coping mechanisms are still coping mechanisms.
Dysfunctional coping mechanisms are still coping mechanisms.
This is not good advice. Dysfunctional coping mechanisms only temporarily make you feel better, but in the long term they will bite you in the ass. If the only thing making life bearable is something that is hurting you or others, you need help. I know that when you’re in a bad place you just want it to be over, but please, please, please don’t listen to this advice and do something to cope in a healthy way, because if you keep on living and surviving because of your coping strategy, your life will get better for you if you cope with it positively; it will not get better if you use a negative coping strategy.
lay out intentions like paving of ease in future moments. “i’m gonna have fun in class tomorrow”, “when i go for a walk i’m gonna see so many beautiful things”, “i’m gonna have the most cozy night tonight”, “i’m gonna be very present with my friend on wednesday”, etc. see how easily the moment adapts. it’s like a little spell to set yourself up for goodness
Told one of my friends that I unfriended my homophobic/transphobic uncle on facebook before coming out and they responded with “but how can you open his mind that way?” so just a reminder:
My job is to exist. My job is to be happy. My job is not to educate, I am willing to help you educate yourself, but above all else, it is my job to find peace that I’ve wanted for years. If someone does not make me feel good, why should I have to be a part of their life? I do not have to suffer so that others can grow. A blooming garden is not expected to keep it’s vines and weeds, so why am I?
there’s so much going on literally everywhere right now and I know it can be overwhelming so this is just a lil reminder to make sure you’re ok. surround yourself with good things, good thoughts, good people and take care of yourself first. it’s easy to get carried away and to feel like you’re carrying all of the world’s pain in your chest. i’m sending all of my love to you today.
