okay. i don’t want to discourse on discourse. because that’s pretty silly.
but.
the truth is we absolutely should move away from “cancel culture” and towards what i’m calling “good faith” culture. the way i propose this works will be demonstrated by calling out myself for something “problematic” i have done.
i have scratched a child in my care. it was not the first child i scratched, nor the last. she is worth mentioning because it was the deepest of the scratches, and, when asked if i would do it again, i absolutely would.
cancel culture: “tumblr user inkskinned literally thinks it’s okay to violently scratch children, like? she takes care of these kids and she fucking scratches them (and who knows what else if she’s so fucking confident in admitting that) and like she has even drawn blood in a few of these instances. these are 3 and 4 year olds we’re talking about. one child she scratched while she was forcibly restraining and she is even proud of that moment. she’s fucking disgusting and i’m sick knowing she still is a teacher. she blew off violence. cancelled.”
good faith culture: “okay, she admitted to scratching children. she did not say it was violently or on purpose. after talking to people who work/live with young kids, almost all of them admit that, at some point, you will accidentally scratch your child. this is because we are mammals with soft skin and claws, and, similar to accidentally scratching yourself with the edge of your nail, is very easy to do with a wiggly object, particularly young ones. i don’t know about the restraining situation, let me go look into the source. maybe she apologized?”
me myself and i: i absolutely did apologize after it happened. i also did forcibly hold a child, who was the one i injured. she had slipped past (? how? the world will never know) three teachers and six ropes and had gotten to an absolutely-off-limits-for-children area, climbed up the very small retaining wall, and was about to take a forty-foot drop off the other side. I literally snatched her out of the air, and, in doing so, caught my nail on her wrist. she did bleed, but i obtained stickers and a bandaid to cure that problem.
cancel culture: “i find it extremely unlikely that a child could do that by themselves. probably she is a very bad teacher who let a child go somewhere they shouldn’t and get into this situation to begin with. on top of that, if she knows she can accidentally scratch a child, why weren’t her nails trimmed? no offense but she needs to quit her “activism” and step down. i also don’t fucking believe her apology when she said right there she would do it again. bandaids don’t solve the trauma she allowed to happen.”
good faith culture: “okay. children do this kind of thing all the time, because they are children. this situation is clearly one where yes, a bad thing happened, but she used reasonable care. since she actively does not try to hurt children, and she was actually trying to protect one (albeit clumsily), we can see she’s just a normal human being who was acting in good faith.”
the reason i propose good faith culture is because i find the majority of “cancelled” people are activists and/or minorities. these people are targeted for incredibly small altercations or behaviors, despite the fact that they’re acting in good faith. i know for a fact mras/alt-right ppl make fake “liberal” accounts that target these people using the language of cancel culture, because it’s easily picked up on - it’s explosive, passionate language without true sourcing (or out-of-context sourcing) that encourages knee-jerk reactions. this breeds infighting and cruelty when we need to be a unified front.
good faith culture also makes a line between “problematic” and “genuinely cruel/disturbing/etc”. you cannot abuse, threaten, or otherwise intentionally harm someone in good faith. this is intentionally to prevent the god-awful “ted bundy might have been problematic” phrasing i have seen. he was not problematic. he was the fucking problem.
meanwhile, it encourages positive behavior. okay, a person blundered. they apologized and seem to have continued to educate and rebuild themselves. they are acting in good faith. oh, actually they never apologized and continue doing this nonsense. this person is no longer acting in good faith.
sure, call out people who are not acting in good faith. i agree. there are plenty who deserve it. but when you pick apart all media/efforts made by activists with a fine-tooth comb looking for something you can “cancel” the person on, you’re doing more harm than good. if the person spends their life trying to help homeless lgbt+ children get off the streets but accidentally takes in an abuser while doing so, they’re still net-good. they were acting in good faith, the abuser is at fault here. if a person spends their life making youtube videos and not once but twice uses a racial slur, they are not acting in good faith. unfortunately, we attack the first person more than the second.
people make mistakes all the time. none of us are perfect. shows can try their best to be good and representationally accurate and take a slight misstep, books can have one problematic trope - if theyre acting in good faith, okay. like, maybe fix it in the future, but okay.
keep critiquing things. keep noticing what needs to change. but learn the difference between “this is a mistake” and “this is evidence of evil.”
okay, im gonna be real here for a second. i get anxious reblogging anything about women, lesbianism, or feminism. i am a fucking raging man hating dyke and i get scared to touch ANY of this shit because TERFs are so prominent on this godforsaken website.
I cannot even imagine how scared trans women feel using this stupid platform nowadays, especially with the existence of “secret baby terf sideblogs uwu”. But we could ease these fears by being more vigilant.
we have the ability to make this website safer and do something about TERFs leaking into non-TERF spaces. Block them. Tell other people to block them. Check URLs. Know dogwhistles and buzzwords. Don’t humor them, don’t cherry pick from them and just “ignore the transphobia”.
DO something!!
and no one is fucking talking about this! it’s so depressing. not a single person i know is fucking talking about this and TERFs are growing in numbers, when i go to their blogs to block them, i see their shitty little posts that in 2016 would have gotten maybe 15 notes, but are now getting up to FIVE THOUSAND. and yes, i mean the blatantly TERF posts. It’s like, after the KittyIt bullshit, shit’s just gone massively downhill and we’re not even. talking about it.
god, 90% of these people are under the age of 25!!!!!!!! this is our youth! this is a fuckign epidemic! thousands of young people are being brainwashed right before our eyes and we do little to nothing to STOP it. they are ruining the image of lesbianism and feminism and we need to fight back.
at this point, it’s hard to trust anyone, and I mean that. TERFs fly under the radar so easily and we just. let them. and at this point, i only trust people who actively talk about this shit and put passion and effort to shut down TERF rhetoric and support trans women. this bare minimum bullshit does not cut it in 2019.
if you can, please reblog this. please talk about this. our trans sisters need to know where we stand, and people need to know that TERFs are not welcome in feminist and lesbian spaces. everyone needs to know that this shit is unacceptable, toxic, reactionary garbage and is in no fucking way “radical” or “feminist”.
i really wanna know if canary’s character is intentionally a subversion or not THATS a good judgment of who togashi is
in nearly every depiction of an ultra rich nonblack family, especially if the story is centered around the rich children, there’s a character that dwindles down to a “black mammy”: a plump dark skinned black woman that’s there to be the mom when the mom isnt present. she’s the one that rocks the kids to sleep and feeds them and is “sweet as honey!” which is just codeword for scarily submissive with no fight in her. it’s tiring to see this character all the time, especially since it’s usually the only black woman in that piece of media. it’s not the 1950s anymore
canary almost falls down this slope since she is a protecting butler to the zoldycks, but what’s nicer about her is that she’s a child herself, so her dynamic with the rich family is the kid trying to befriend her, as an equal, rather than her basically raising him. and canary’s a fighter, she’s strong, her job is far from the pacified domestic soft nanny stereotype she’s literally out there smashing peoples heads in at age 13. it’s dope as fuck
this is why im so adamant about her and killua being friends, also about her leaving the zoldycks, also about her being a bigger character, also why i hate art that makes her look too old, also why it irked me so much that the first thing she says after not seeing her for years is “i must protect killua with my life”, basically everything i say about canary is because she has the potential to be such a kickass character if cards are played right, but on the other hand can quickly succumb to a decades old and fuck ugly archetype
it’s all a matter if her initial subversions were intentional or not
ok i finished the grisha trilogy and im calling the police on leigh bardugo
that being said if anyone wants an actual review/crit lmk [eyes emoji]
all right you poor fools, It’s Time. (don’t read ahead if u don’t want spoilers)
i hate mal. i just hate him okay. why doesn’t he understand that alina has suddenly had a lot of responsibility thrust upon her, responsibility that is bigger than him and their weird relationship?? she doesn’t want to abandon her country for some possessive creep who only started liking her once he realized that she liked someone else Boo Hoo!! she makes mistakes and hurts him but never out of malice, while he is CONSTANTLY berating her and making her beg for his forgiveness for not having him as her first priority and making her feel like she couldn’t talk to him about her hallucinations and failing to gather the courage to kill her (as he PROMISED) in shadow and bone when she had the courage to do so in ruin and rising?? what the fuck?? AND THEN THEY STAY TOGETHER THROUGH THE END WHAT THE FUCK WHY DIDNT HE JUST STAY DEAD
i also hate the darkling, but like…. kinda in a different way than mal? like at least you KNOW the darkling is supposed to be evil (even though leigh tries to put him in a sympathetic light quite often which i don’t understand because He Sucks As A Person) so you can hate him freely, but mal is supposed to be a protagonist but he’s just Insufferable. but yeah seriously the darkling is an abusive little fuck. like all the talk he spews about he and alina being the only two of their kind and her being able to make him into a better man is just…. literal manipulation and it’s pretty disgusting to me that some people in the fandom actually ship them lmao
(sadly my mentally ill ass relates to the whole “hundred year old dude no longer sees his own life/death, or that of others, as permanent ends and instead wields them as tools and leverage to get what he wants, and has a fucked up sense of superiority and otherness and feels he is Destined To Be Greater Than Everyone because of his less than savory upbringing” thing but Still he’s a dick)
not to be Team Nikolai™ but I’m Fucking Team Nikolai™. like nikolai is the ONLY person who alina isn’t bound to by fate because of her power so you can see that their feelings for each other are purely constructed and not guided by some weird divine destiny?? and nikolai is the only person who doesn’t treat her like shit lmao
on that note i would love for alina to be gay, just saying. let her be a lesbian you cowards
LET HER RULE RAVKA AS QUEEN AND WIELD HER SUN SUMMONING POWERS FREELY AND BE IN LOVE WITH HER BEAUTIFUL TRANS GIRLFRIEND NIKOLAI YOU COWARDS!!!!
ok that’s just wishful thinking but seriously i’m conducting the lesbian alina and trans girl nikolai train and i’m readily accepting passengers. choo choo motherfuckers
ANYWAYS i’m like…. half inspired half mortified that the same person who wrote the masterpiece that is the six of crows duology also wrote this Mess…. but overall i did enjoy it!! alina got to be a very lovable and relatable protagonist and i ended up projecting on her a lot lol…. and all the girls in this series are badass…. and we also have tamar/nadia, the purest ship in the series, thank you god for blessing us
the final confrontation at the end of siege and storm was by far the coolest scene in the series, i was holding my fuckin breath the whole time
not to be mean lesbian on main but y’all (yes even within the lgbt community) really do get away with saying shit on here about lesbians that’s just blatantly lesbophobic and no one ever calls it out besides lesbians and it’s so transparent
no amount of “let’s go lesbians” or thor memes or ~solidarity~ posts you reblog make up for saying stuff like “i love lesbians just not the hairy mean ‘kill all men’ ones uwu” and people will fucking agree! the whole “butch pal” thing happened and everyone took it as a chance to call butch lesbians unhygienic and said shit like “what will they just teach them not to shower as much lol” and other shit that compares lesbians to gross cishet men as if thats not how we’re already seen
y’all don’t listen to lesbians talk about the shit (and even violence) we get from men unless you can relate, bc apparently once we realize we’re lesbians men disappear from our life. y’all derail posts about lesbophobia, and about lesbian positivity without even thinking that maybe it’s inappropriate. I’ve seen people tell lesbians “well sexuality is fluid” or “everyone’s a little bi” as if wanting lesbians to be attracted to men is anything new
ive seen people refer to a lesbian that pisses them off as a “legbeard” as if that’s not just a pc d-slur AND a backhanded insult to all gnc women. people say they just “feel unsafe” around lesbians for whatever reason (predatory lesbian stereotype anyone?), say that they always do a fucking background check on people with lesbian icons/urls, ive seen anti-antis (among other groups) say that lesbians are more likely to be “judgy bitches”
and imma keep it real with you chief but someone judging me for my lesbianism bc they approximate lesbians to terfs (which is shitty to trans lesbians, inaccurate to the fact that most terfs are straight, and lets bi/straight terfs fly under the radar) or any of the other shit ive seen said about lesbians and someone judging me for lesbianism bc of “religious reasons” are the same to me in the end, and if anything the lgbt lesbophobe is gonna hurt me more (especially if it’s a bi woman) bc that’s the person who’s supposed to be on my fucking side!
anyway like. if you look at the number of notes on a post that’s like “haha lesbians cool” versus the number of notes on a post talking about lesbophobia from other lgbt people you’ll see that no one wants to talk about this. so, my original version when i typed out this post had an uncensored d-slur in it a lot but i took it out so y’all don’t have an excuse to not reblog this! i greatly encourage other lgbt people to reblog this actually!
(quick disclaimer on my point about being unsafe around lesbians: trans women, especially trans lesbians, are absolutely allowed to feel unsafe around cis lesbians. of course, if they’re singling out cis lesbians compared to other cis people then that’s lesbophobic, but a trans person feeling unsafe around cis people is never inherently a bad thing)
one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.
no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.
no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.
I feel like the best way to respond to someone you’re friends with making gross, racist, sexist etc. jokes isn’t to argue with them or call them out directly, but just to kind of wince at them like they just did something incredibly inappropriate and awkward and try to change the subject. Like, almost in an exaggerated way, like you’re just really disgusted and want to forget they said it. Arguing with them lets them 1) shoehorn you as a “SJW” and shut themselves off to you 2) defend their opinion or feel like they did and 3) lets you end up categorized as the person who did the inappropriate thing by making a “big deal” out of it. But acting like you would with any extremely gross and inappropriate thing makes it harder for them to mentally defend themselves and thus to avoid feeling weird and ashamed. It prevents them from getting in any way satisfied by your reaction or validated in their views. It makes them the person that broke a rule. And anyway, it is really gross and inappropriate to joke like that. It has to be a taboo, not just a viewpoint or a style of humor that some people don’t like. If you argue, it frames the issue as an opinion. If you just show disgust and displeasure and treat the offensive material like you would a pile of dog shit on a sidewalk you’re walking down, it’s not arguable. It’s an action, with nothing intellectual about it, and there’s nothing for them to defend against.
Anyone have any thoughts? Has anybody tried this?
This is straight up how I deal with the subtle racist and homophobic behaviours a lot of people exhibit, as well as the use of slurs. Wince. Make a face. Look away. Get really quiet. Change the subject. Personal favourite is just just to say “dude” quietly and loaded w disgust.
And you wanna know what?? It fucking works. I’ve observed a decrease in these behaviours in the people I react this way to. OP is totally right, don’t give them the chance to turn it into a ‘discussion’, just skip directly to shame.
Can you believe we live in a society where people are kissing Elsaās ass and viewing her as a great big sister despite neglecting Anna through their whole ass childhood just cause she has the ability to make fucking freezer ice cubes while Nani, a dedicated brown woman who despite lost her parents by a lethal storm had to push her grief aside because Lilo was now her main priority, took care of her, fed her, probably paid money for her hula classes, busted her ass at her job to financially support Lilo, busted her ass to emotionally support Lilo, supported Liloās photography talent even though Liloās theme was a little weird, got her a dog and even during moments where Nani hit was hitting rock bottom (ex: getting fired but didnāt put her frustration out on Lilo) she did whatever it took to keep her little sister from being taken away, and wanted nothing but happiness and safety for her.
iām getting seriousĀ āchange my mindā vibes from that kid and honestly it works
Ceratophrys is a genus of frogs in the family Ceratophryidae comprised of eight species. In captivity, C. cranwelli, C. ornata and C. cornuta are the most popular species. They are also known as South American horned frogs as well as Pacman frogs due to their characteristically round shape and large mouth, thus reminiscent of the video game character Pac-Man.
I can’t believe I’m doing this here instead of twitter because it’s TWITTER that’s the firestorm now but like, i have a very soft spot for grisha and i think the ending of the trilogy is good and appropriate for That Story. And/ergo i think the root of the grisha trilogy ending discourse is not as simple as “people didn’t like the ending” but people didn’t like That Story and thought it was or wanted it to be a different one, and then the ending wouldn’t let them. And it’s very easy to be mad about how objectively wrong they are, or be smug about them willfully misinterpreting/ bending a story to be the power fantasy they wanted and thus victims of their own lack of reading comprehension, but given my ongoing life’s mission to figure out why SJM’s stuff is so popular/ What We Want Out Of Our YA Fantasy, Really, I think it’s a really interesting! And kind of depressing! Case study!
Why do we so wholly reject a heroine who wants nothing but some Peace and Quiet slash why do we demand GIRL HAV SWORD, GIRL IS KWEEN surface-level empowerment? Have we somehow failed a generation of young bookish women by boiling down the fight for female agency to this single option, or is there something about the powerlessness of our current culture that inherently pushes so many of us to crave those no-strings-attached, step-on-men’s-throats-but-never-question-the-systematic-misogyny-in-your-worldbuilding SJM-esque power fantasies? Is it morally irresponsible to prioritize catharsis for your (presumed white, presumed cisfemale) readers (or self) over telling a complex, sensitive story?
Maybe I’m galaxy-braining here, but as someone who grew up on the quintessential portal fantasy structure where the girl goes home to her normal life at the end, I love the very broad idea that we reject that, that the dominant opinion is to want stories where the girl demands a rich, complicated, sexy, powerful life in the fantasy world she has just saved and made friends in. But looking at the grand scope of GIRL HAV SWORD, GIRL IS KWEEN YA from 2010-now, it’s so often shitty and homogenous in execution (not 2 mention comes with that whole host of ‘NOBDOY EVER ADDRESSES THAT IMPERIALISM IS BAD AND RACIST AND MONARCHY IS A SKETCH AF INSTITUTION BUT SURE WATCH THE QUEEN CONQUER I GUESS’ issues’).
As with most complaints about this industry and its crutches, the only “solution” here is to have MORE stories, a broader range of well-written and well-publicized books that both do this and don’t, so that each of us stops feeling so viciously starved of the thing that speaks to us, less willing to fight over scraps of it or see it where it doesn’t exist. But in the meantime, I also don’t know what to make of this seeming truth of what so many people want.
“The Scarlet Eyes are a special trait of the Kurta Clan. Our eyes turn a fiery scarlet when our emotions are heightened. The eyes in that scarlet state are considered one of the seven most beautiful colors in the world.”
